


Self Exorcisms Suck

by lunar_mischief



Series: Dean Winchester's Many Attempts at Adventure [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Dean Winchester, Demon!Dean, Season 9 Spoilers, crack but only sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1668857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunar_mischief/pseuds/lunar_mischief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because apparently you can exorcise yourself. Who knew?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Exorcisms Suck

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 9. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
> 
> I own nothing.

"Sam!"

Dean stood helplessly watching his brother from the confines of his trap. The Winchesters had caught wind of a nasty demon close to the bunker. The usual trap they set backfired this when Dean accidentally walked into the Devil's Trap. Sam made a move in his brother's direction, but before he had a chance to break the seal, the demon was upon him, choking the life out of him.

Dean's mind raced. He couldn't stab the sonovabitch, couldn't shoot it. Cas was God knows where, so he wouldn't be any help. Only one option, then.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus," Dean frowned; there was a tingling in his body. "Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii." A grunt of pain. "Omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica!"

Smoke rushed through the room, and the demon holding Sam down collapsed. Sam took a few deep breaths before turning to his brother.

"Dean!" The human scrambled to his brother's side, but the demon was unmoving. "Come on, Dean, wake up!" Sam ran a hand through his hair. "Shit."

Sam jumped when Dean's cell went off. He dug it out of his brother's pocket. "Cas, good timing-"

"Sam?" The named hunter could hear Cas' head tilt. "Where's Dean?"

"He's, um…" Sam let out a chuckle. "I think he exorcised himself."

* * *

"So…has this type of thing happened before?" Cas stared down at Dean's body, which was lying on his bed back in the bunker.

"Probably not. I mean, why would a demon try to exorcise another demon?"

"Have you tried the reverse exorcism? You had some success with that in the past."

"It won't work on him. Anti-possession tattoo."

Cas let out a sad laugh. "I suppose he doesn't need that any more. I could-"

The door to Dean's room slammed open.

"You would not believe the day I've had."

Castiel and Sam gaped at the figure before them.

"What?"

"…Dean?" Sam asked, a smile creeping up on his lips.

"Shaddup. It was the best I could do."

"The best you could do is a six year old in a pink dress? And," Sam had to catch his breath. "And pigtails?"

"Ha ha, it's all very funny. Now could you please just poof away my tat?"

"I don't know, Dean," Sam said with a teasing grin. "I kind of like you like this. Very fitting. What do you think, Cas?"

"You do make a very cute girl, Dean," Cas said solemnly.

"I may be a tiny girl – I mean, inside a – possessing a-"

"That sounds wrong no matter how you say it, dude."

"Look," Dean growled, "the point is, I'm still a demon. And I will burn your asses if you don't put me back right this minute."

"I apologize, Dean, I did not mean to offend you. I will remove your mark. But before I do..." Cas whipped out a phone and snapped a picture.

Dean stood perfectly still for a moment of stunned silence. "I will end you."

"Can you send me that?" Sam demanded as he looked over Cas' shoulder at the frankly adorable photo.

"I will end you both."

Cas walked over to Dean's body and placed his hand over his heart. A slight glow was seen through the shirt. "It is done."

"It's about time." Dean's spirit rushed out of the girl's body and into his own in a billow of smoke.

While Dean got settled into his own skin, Cas grabbed Sam's shoulder and whispered, "we don't want to be here when he wakes up," and they both disappeared. By the time Dean opened his own eyes, they were both long gone.

"Yeah, that's right, you'd better run!"

**Author's Note:**

> My faithful beta MoonClaimed and I were discussing what life would be like for Dean now that he's a demon. She wrote something pretty awesome (check it out on her page), which inspired me to write this.


End file.
